Blog

“I feel so fragmented,” a physician recently told me. “I’m all over the place”

"I need to have better boundaries," another physician lamented.

Boundaries — the struggle to say No — is a common theme among those in the healing profession.

"My anxiety is almost never about complex cases," writes pediatric surgeon, Erik Pearson, MD FACS. "My anxiety comes from having to be in two places at once."

This is a common source of anxiety among doctors.

Logically, we know we can't be two places at once, yet the superhero mentality reinforced by physician culture and profit structure, has many doctors believing that they should.

The impossibility of being two places at once breeds a persistent, nagging sense of failure.

This sense of "not doing enough" comes in other forms, too.

Perfectionism and doctoring are like peas in a pod.

At its most functional, perfectionism is about adhering to high standards of excellence.

For Martin, an orthopedic surgeon, this means being well-prepared. He goes over each patient's chart meticulously the night before each surgery.

For the perfectionist, nothing is left to chance.

Sometimes it starts with a roadblock.

"I don't see you as a leader here."

That short sentence put Sharon Stein MD, a colorectal surgeon, on a path to leadership excellence.

In a specialty still dominated by men in leadership positions, this is a path that calls for confidence.

"I am lonely," a physician, I’ll call Fred, tells me.

Fred is not alone in his loneliness.

Daily, I hear from physicians that they are lonely -- or stay in unfulfilling relationships, because they fear loneliness.

Medicine is, hands down, one of the loneliest professions, according to a survey by the Harvard Business Review.

What causes loneliness in medicine?

Is “Stop Procrastinating” on you New Years Resolution list?

Learn why you procrastinate and ways to intercept the Avoider.

1. Acceptance is not acquiescence

2. Courage is an act of love

3. Self compassion is the seed for everything

4. Happiness is your birthright

I am not going to tell you how to be a better doctor (or banker or lawyer).

I am not going to give you fancy career assessments.

I am not going to tell you how to get your next job.

I'm not going to advise you to retire or not retire.

But 9 out of 10 times, people hire me to help them with their jobs.

This is a true story about a doctor who lost almost everything to his mistress.

Dr. Van Winkle, a pseudonym, loved his medical career with a passion.

Medicine was an all-consuming lover -- sometimes harsh, and always exciting.

1. You berate yourself for years ago not marrying the woman you now think was "the one".

2. You believe you would have been happier if you'd said...No to the money, yes to the other job, stayed in the other city, etc.

Ted, a physician, was terrified.

He felt he might fall off the edge of the earth, if he did what was expected of him.

There was a steady drumbeat of pressure, expectation.

He’s 67, after all.

1. You feel stuck

2. Everything is humming along, but a spark is missing.

1. How to listen with my eyes.

2. How to listen with my heart.

I didn’t know how bad it was.

Not until the grocery store clerk yelled at me.

I’d asked him several times to repeat the total. But each time he turned away from me so I couldn’t see his face.

Then he shouted it at me.

1. You stayed up late arguing with your spouse about your long hours and how the kids miss you. A patient tells you you look tired. But you don't tell anyone — certainly not patients — what you're struggling with at home.

1.     Abbreviating or eliminating your morning self-care routine

2.     Scrolling on your phone at night

3.     Nighttime binge watching

Stuck.

Stuck at work. Stuck on a call. Stuck in a meeting.

I can’t remember how many times I’ve heard this over the years.

The sound of doctor’s not being in control of their daily lives.

Small stuck-ness that can and often does eventually translate to something much bigger and more entrenched: Stuck in life.

Here’s true story of one physician who struggled with all three…

Aaron, an orthopedic surgeon, waited over a year to call me.

My ex-husband, a physician, was always late. And his patients loved him for it.

This was documented year after year on his patient evaluations. He was consistently one of the favorite physicians in his group.

There was a prize for patients who waited that is rare in today’s medical world: They got fully engaged physician, who seemed to have all the time in the world for their questions and concerns.

Being late and struggling to stay on time is the bane of being a physician.

1. I am not going to fix you. You’re not broken and I’m not a mechanic.

2. I do not have a plan for you.