The Cost of Perfectionism (and one guy who's busting loose)
Perfectionism and doctoring are familiar bedfellows.
We expect nothing less from our doctors.
But outside of the O.R. or the clinic, perfectionism can be paralyzing — and downright unhealthy.
Perfectionism is often found underlying other ills, including:
Burnout
Depression
Procrastination
Indecision
Isolation
Here’s the story of a surgeon who has begun to face the demons of perfectionism.
Martin is meticulous in surgery. Other surgeons choose him to do theirs.
He's to risen to top leadership positions at his clinic. He is widely respected in the community.
Martin is also perfectionistic in adhering to his values of family and duty — when it comes to others.
For nearly two decades, Martin has lived his life for others. He has worked hard to please his parents who, as immigrants, worked even harder to give him a good life.
He treats his medical team as family. He says often, “I cannot let them down.”
He lives in fear of disappointing others.
But he is lonely. At nearly 50, he’s put much of his life on hold.
When he is not working — which is rare — he is dogged by regret.
Regret that he abandoned a close relationship years ago to please his parents; that he didn't stay in a city he loved; that he didn't take a different direction in medicine.
The spiral has kept him up at night.
"I'm so afraid of making mistakes," says Martin, "that I don't want to make a move. Mistakes aren't good in surgery. But being a perfectionist has a steep cost I've not realized."
Indeed, perfectionism is a show stopper.
But Marin recently had an epiphany:
What about duty to himself? he asked recently.
For the perfectionist, nothing is left to chance. But only in facing the unknown does anything change. Only in risk do we grow.
Risk for Marin looks more like — well, not being perfect.
As to his fear of disappointing others? “I am honoring myself,” he says. "It's time to live my best life, for other challenges and horizons."
This is the exciting and messy land of self-discovery.
For a perfectionist, there may be nothing more scary -- and more fulfilling -- than taking a chance.
This is the real meaning of courage.
6 Ways to Weaken Perfectionism’s Strangle Hold
Get comfortable with the unknown
Understand that messiness is where the magic happens
Sometimes it takes getting lost to find oneself
Evaluate whether an activity actually requires perfection (things that are not life or death).
When is "good enough" okay?
Plan a time when there is no plan