You Can't Be in Two Places at Once (and other impossibilities doctors try to achieve)

"My anxiety is almost never about complex cases," writes pediatric surgeon, Erik Pearson, MD FACS. "My anxiety comes from having to be in two places at once."

This is a common source of anxiety among doctors.

Logically, we know we can't be two places at once, yet the superhero mentality reinforced by physician culture and profit structure, has many doctors believing that they should.

The impossibility of being two places at once breeds a persistent, nagging sense of failure.

This sense of "not doing enough" comes in other forms, too.

John, a primary care physician, has ambitious goals for his morning routine: Get up at 5:30, exercise, meditate, read, journal and then maybe a couple of patient charts, get himself ready, get the kids to daycare and get himself to work by 8am.

Some days, John hits all of his goals. Some days, not.

They key, is making peace with himself when he doesn't.

This is easier said than done.

Strivers, perfectionists, high-achievers -- we have a hard time letting go.

✅ We have a hard time not doing something 110%.

✅ We struggle with "good enough."

✅ We think we can avoid other people's disappointment with us.

How can we find peace in the face of overwhelm?

Pearson uses affirmations to calm his feeling of overwhelm: "I control what I can control."

When I'm struggling with overwhelm, I meditate on the Serenity Prayer from Alcoholics Anonymous.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. 

This got me through plenty of sleepless nights worrying about my wayward son.

The prayer continues to help me put into categories what I CAN and CANNOT control.

Here are some of the things doctors CANNOT control:

1. Other people's feelings; including patients' disappointment and blame

2. Other people's schedules; patients being late

3. Non-compliance: patients not doing their rehab or taking their meds

4. A system that doesn't give you enough time with your patients

5. A toxic system that makes impossible demands and gaslights you by making it your personal "failure."

Here's what you CAN control:

1. Being as prepared as you can for each patient

2. Being present to what's happening in this moment

3. Being calm in the face of duality

When you cease making the impossibility of being two places at once your "failure" -- when you surrender to doing what you can -- this is where peace lives.

Finding "the wisdom to know the difference" may be one of the greatest antidotes to perfectionism and overwhelm.