Facing the Edge of the Earth

Ted, a physician, was terrified.

He felt he might fall off the edge of the earth if he did what was expected of him.

There was a steady drumbeat of pressure, expectation.

He’s 67, after all.

As a physician who deals with death and dying every day, this was akin to facing his own kind of death.

"I feel like if I retire, I'll fall of the edge of the earth," he told me.

He came to coach with me because he thought he must follow the inevitable and well-worn path of retirement. And soon.

So that’s where we started.

Ted, wanted to figure out how to leave — but not until he had something else lined up.

Maybe he’d go back to flying. Maybe he’d get back to photography. Take up sushi making.

Every so often, other matters like his relationship, fear of abandonment, regret bubbled up.

But he always wanted to get back to his first love: medicine.

Over the next few months, we explored what retirement could look like.

He whittled down his schedule to allow for some of these explorations.

But none of it yet added up to a life as fulfilling as the one he’d always come back to: medicine.

He made lists of what he still loved about his work. And what he didn't.

Meanwhile, the hospitals he worked for were begging him to stay. He’s very good at what he does.

Then someone told him he should be a flight surgeon.

Imagine, at 67, being a flight surgeon!

The idea excited him.

“What does that open up for you?” I asked.

“That I have choices,” he said.

Gradually, the pressure to retire right now lifted.

He didn’t want to be a flight surgeon, he knew that.

But as the pressure of “have to” softened, Ted’s world opened up to his wants.

"What if I like my job?" he asked one day. "Is that so bad?"

"Not at all," I said.

"What if I don't want to retire?" he asked.

"Then don't," I said.

He appeared more settled and confident all at once.

But Ted wasn’t done with coaching.

A few weeks later, he asked me to work with him for another 6 months.

This time, he wanted to work with me on matters of his heart.

The stuff that he'd been trying to relegate to the sidelines: loneliness, intimacy, fear of abandonment and how to build a lasting, fulfilling relationship.

You are not just your career, after all.

Retirement is a call to know who you are.

Who are you beyond "Dr..."?

Who are you when you come home?

The answers are the keys to a satisfying and meaningful life in retirement.