6 Signs You're Saying Yes For the Wrong Reasons (and when to say No)
“I feel so fragmented,” a physician recently told me. “I’m all over the place”
"I need to have better boundaries," another physician lamented.
Depletion or exhaustion
Resentment or anger
Disappointment
Feeling entitled to a payback
Feeling under-appreciated
Feeling sorry for yourself -- martyr/victim
Why is it so hard to say No?
But just under the surface also lacks a fear of saying No.
Control, perfectionism and fear of disappointing others drives us to say Yes for the wrong reasons.
If you are saying any of the following to yourself as you say Yes — STOP:
✋🏼"Someone has to do it, it might as well be me.”
✋🏼 "If I want it done right, I have to do it myself.”
✋🏼"I don't want to let them down."
Doing things for others is not the problem.
Having a sense of duty, is not in and of itself the problem.
Many great things happen because of duty.
Duty to self must come first.
❗️Duty to your mental, spiritual and physical health must come before duty to others.
❗️Say No to others in order to say Yes to yourself.
If you don’t fill your own cup first, your duty to others is not only unsustainable.
Stop before you say Yes. Use the following to guide your answer:
💡Feelings. Identify your negative feelings from the last time you said Yes when you should have said No.
💡Values. Let your values help you set boundaries. Is it about altruism and compassion? Or guilt and fear?
💡Expectations. Why are you saying Yes? What do you hope to gain, if anything?
💡Honesty. Be honest with yourself about your true motivations for saying Yes.
Then and only then, from a full cup, can you fulfill your duties to the rest of the world.
When your Yeses come from a healthy, whole You, they are less likely to be purely obligatory, draining endeavors.
From there, values like altruism, service and compassion pull you forward.