Self-Care 101: 5 Rules to Live By
I recently signed up for an improv class. It was really fun -- and useful; it helped me give a big presentation and love it. But then it wasn't fun anymore. It felt like a chore. For a moment, as I was contemplating withdrawing, I felt badly about it. The old me, the one plagued by the Pleaser and Hyper-Achiever saboteurs, doesn't quit -- even if it kills me -- and doesn't feel worthy unless I'm doing something (and whenever possible, being "the best" at it) told me to stick it out.
This is how "fun" becomes duty and play becomes work. As I've gotten older and done my work, my barometer for self-care has become much more sensitive. Checking in with my internal weather system is an ongoing activity. I simply notice where I feel resistance, or vague dread. These days, rather than push through it -- something I'm very practiced at doing -- I stop and investigate. I ask myself, what's the resistance? How am I feeling about this? Why am I doing it? Because I care less about what my Pleaser and Hyper-Achiever say -- their yapping about how people will be disappointed in me or not like me if I bow out of a class, for example -- I can quickly tune into my highest self, my true self. The answer that came back loud and clear regarding this class I'd signed up for was that I'd over-committed myself and needed to take something off my plate. So I did, just like that.
What a relief to know I can trust myself; that I stand up for myself and my needs. How good to know that when push comes to shove, I am my own best friend. I give myself grace, gather up all my gratitude for learning what I did about improv and keep the door open to do it again another time. I now know I am brave not only because I took an improv class and got on stage. But also, because I can change my mind midstream.
Don't abandon your self-care to the tyranny of pleasing other people. When you stand up for your own needs, you may risk other people's disappointment. But here's some news to base my freedom on: I'm really not all that important. Life goes on whether we're there or not. So why not consistently take care of myself, so we can be of service with my whole heart for the long term? When was the last time you stood up for your self-care? When was the last time your prioritized it? Sometimes dropping out, changing your mind or going another direction is the bravest thing you can do.
You get to change your mind. Don't let the rule of consistency overshadow your other core values.
Check in with yourself. Are you feeling resistance, avoidance or dread for something you originally wanted? Pay attention to your feelings and honor them.
You are the boss of your body, mind and spirit. Just because social media or "experts" say something is "good" for your doesn't mean it's actually good for you.
A hard No is not the only way to honor your boundaries; get to know your preferences, desires, limits and deal breakers (Terri Coles). Boundaries are on a continuum, from flexible to line in the sand.
There are no rules. What is calling you to do something? Is there a "should" in your choice? Just because something is supposed to be good for you, doesn't mean it is.