Discovering Self-Care: YOU are the guru

How many of you are tired of hearing about self-care?

I asked this during a recent talk to a group who may need it most: Physicians, social workers, nurses and volunteers in hospice care.

One woman in the back raised her hand.

"Yes!" I said. "Would you mind sharing why?"

"It's a buzz word. It's everywhere. I've stopped listening."

Yet she was there, signed up for my talk on "The Five Words That Could Save Your Life: The Truth About Self-Care." She was brave enough to share her skepticism, but I suspect there are many others who feel this way too.

I've heard it in my coaching office; clients who feel both justified and guilty at the same time that they're not taking better care of themselves. We hear it all the time: Self-care self-care self-care.

But what do we really mean?

There is no self-care pill. It is not a one-size-fits-all prescription from some sort of "self-care guru."

It is different for everyone. And it is different for each of us in any given moment. It starts with self-inquiry and then deep internal listening, according to my friend and colleague, Solenn Giedel says before her major burnout, "I never asked myself questions."

Because of her burnout and her long road to recovery, Giedel now asks herself questions everyday: "What am I feeling? What's my mood? My energy?" Boundaries -- another buzz word -- grow from this intimate sense of what she needs. In other words, boundaries aren't simply about saying No. They're about saying Yes to what we need, moment to moment. This is a brave way to live.

For a life of service, self-care is critical. Self-care isn't a nice-to-have. It isn't something to put off for another day. Making time for self-care isn't a busyness problem. It's a priority problem. If you don't make time and space for listening to what you really need, you will one day be forced to stop. One day, your own body will say "Enough."

I'm not going to tell you what to do to take care of yourself. I AM going to ask you to take a moment each day, throughout the day, to take a mindful breath -- inhale and exhale -- and ask yourself what you need. If at first you are answered by silence. Let that be. Keep asking yourself what you need. This is the practice. Lean into it. The question itself is healing. It says "I matter." This is the foundation of self-care. You are your own self-care guru.