The Truth of Tears

When they come, it's often with surprise and profuse apologies. Both men and women, all ages and professions try to wipe them away as quickly as possible. The loss of control, the exposure of the heart is delicate. So when the tears come, they catch us off-guard. "What is this?" is often accompanied by embarrassment, as if gas just escaped without warning.

For physicians, there is no space to cry, to express trauma or grief. Crying feels like a threat to the illusion of order and authority, the last hope for a miracle. So when physicians cry, it is often years overdo and in the safety of a place far from the hospital. But it's not just doctors who need to cry. For many of us who live life in overdrive, there is little space to reflect or feel. We forget how to cry.

To be a witness to the myriad emotions expressed by tears is to glimpse a shy and beautiful animal that is rarely seen in the hustle of our scheduled lives. I don't rush to help them force it back into hiding. I don't say, "It's okay," and slide the box of tissues toward them. It belongs. I hold the widest space. Tears may be one of the most important expressions of the heart. Anger and frustration often cage our tears.

When the anger falls away, tears flow. They tell us of grief, relief, love and loss. They tell us that it matters, we care and we yearn. They tell us we're ready. So we sit and let them flow. This is the truth. Tears are the beginning and sometimes, finally, a putting to rest. Now, you can move forward.