5 Unique Ways to Practice Self-Care: A Top-Notch Lawyer's Journey of Discovery
Self-care is not always about yoga, says Attorney Rachel Schromen.
"Sometimes you need to hit something," she says.
Knowing what you need -- and when -- is the key to self-care.
As Schromen built her Saint Paul firm, Schromen Law LLC, unique for its holistic approach to legal issues, she focused exclusively on what her clients needed.
"They're coming to us for legal issues. That's our expertise," says Schromen. "But it's not uncommon that there are other things going on; grief, loss, sometimes trauma wrapped around that. The practice is designed to support the client as fully human."
While she was a well-trained lawyer, she lacked the emotional and energetic infrastructure to prepare her to deal with the intensity that often accompanies estate planning and elder law.
When, years ago, a client told her he had 30 days to live, Schromen realized how ill-equipped she was.
"I had no idea what to say," says Schromen, who was 26 years old and just starting out. "I had never had that conversation. How do you hold that space?"
So, she read articles and memorized phrases. Ultimately she sought deeper training as an end-of-life Doula. She also completed trauma- and grief-informed client counseling training.
"I'm not a therapist — though I refer to therapists frequently. But I can hold space for someone's grief and struggles ," says Schromen, who now offers monthly seminars on grief, loss and transition to all of her clients.
Self-Compassion.
But external training is only part of the story.
Schromen gives a lot to her clients.
While Schromen Law was named one of the top 3 Best Rated Estate Law firms in St. Paul 6 years in row, Schromen herself was the last to receive the very qualities that made her firm so special.
As a young lawyer, Schromen was not affording herself the same gentleness and compassion with which she was treating her clients.
A life of giving and service, without self-care, is like running a marathon without carbs.
Instead, she was trying to live on a lean diet of self-reproach and perfectionism.
She drove herself hard, rarely giving herself a break.
"I spent a lot of years not having self-compassion. My wheels never really got traction on any type of meaningful growth," she recalls, "because I was just beating myself up constantly."
She kept her personal struggles hidden from her clients -- or she tried.
During her own painful divorce, Schromen became impatient and short with a client.
"To be frank, I wasn't doing a lot of self-care," she says.
This lack of self-compassion and self-awareness was beginning to have a negative impact on her business.
As the case was wrapping up, the client told Schromen that she had not felt seen or supported during their work together.
"Hearing this was painful, because I care deeply about how I impact other people's lives and how they feel. And I'm also human and I can't always get it right."
This act of grace and ultimately, self-forgiveness, set Schromen on the path to prioritizing her self-care.
"It was the gift of self-awareness," she says. "Looking at yourself with gentleness can better allow for growth and change."
Authenticity and the myth of professionalism.
First, Schromen had to bust the myth that professionalism means never letting your personal life show in your professional life.
"How do you manage what's going on with yourself and be there for the client?" she asks. "You need to find that space for yourself that you create for others."
This is the elegant balance that makes Schromen and her practice not only unique: By taking care of herself, her generosity is sustainable.
Integrating what's going on for Schromen personally with what's happening with her client has become one of her foundational practices of self-care -- and contributes to the excellence of the firm.
"I was suffering because I was denying myself the ability to be authentic," she says, looking back on the beginning of her career.
It's rarely just about drawing up a trust, as exemplified in a recent phone call with a client who was weeping. It touched something deeply personal in Schromen.
"I could have ignored it, buckled down and dissociated from my own stuff. Instead, I said, 'I'm going to share some personal stuff with you. I feel what you're speaking.' And her response was, 'Thank you so much for sharing. It means so much that you understand what I'm going through -- as an attorney and as just another human.'"
For Schromen, authenticity is a foundational principal of self care AND the key to professional excellence.
What is Self-Care?
"Self-care is always developing," she says. "It's a lot about, 'how do we learn from this?' Self-care is being an active participant in an evolving journey."
Schromen's top self-care practices:
It's not always yoga. Maybe you need to hit things. "I went through a period in my life where I had a lot of anger and I boxed," says Schromen. "I don't want to box right now, but I do want peaceful, gentle yoga. But there were a few months where I wanted to hit stuff violently."
Create like a 4th grader: Schromen likes playing with Play Doh and doing paint-by-numbers. She finds peace by returning to things she enjoyed when she was young. "I like making dandelion flower crowns for my dogs. I'll sit in my yard and do that and put them on my dogs and take photos of them," she says. "I'm sure my neighbors are like, 'what the hell is the lawyer neighbor doing?'"
Animal Play. "I do a lot of dog stuff. I go to the dog park and my face hurts from smiling so much."
Let go of "should's": "I had a bad day recently. I thought, 'I should really meditate or journal or go for a walk,'" says Schromen. "Nope. I laid on the floor, watched Patch Adams, ate pretzels and wafer cookies. That's all I could muster that day and that was okay."
Know when to ask for help. "If something's triggering with a client," she says. "I'll take a break from the meeting or ask another lawyer from my firm to step into the room."
Know thyself. Be thyself.
The fuel for sustained heart-centered work is self-care.
Learn more about Schromen Law LLC.