Is Your To-Do List Contributing to Your Inaction? (3 Ways to Break the Cycle)
I love a good to-do list. There's nothing quite like the sense of satisfaction that comes of from seeing my progress through checkmarks. It provides at least a temporary sense that order is possible, the world is controllable and I am on top of my life
But lists, used improperly, can also create a sense of constantly falling short. Of always failing.
"Make a list," I often say to my brother. He has major neurocognitive dysfunction so I manage his finances and do his grocery shopping. He often flings anything that pops into his head -- anything from Chinese takeout, to his Apple ID, to solar panels on the house he rents from me, to a thermometer -- into random texts throughout the day. I'm serious. This was all yesterday.
If I don't say flat out "No", which I do to many of his requests, I tell him to put it on the list.
This is an extreme example of how lists can be used to manage overwhelm (in this case my brother's list to manage my overwhelm). But it still illustrates a point: Lists, at their best, manage internal chaos and overwhelm. They provide structure to life's demands, help prioritize what's most important from Chinese takeout to organize files.
If that list gets too long, and it isn't prioritized, I begin to feel that I am never done; that my brother's life is never in order. Let alone mine. Let's take another example: If you have a list of 100 things and do 70 of them, as my client recently told me, "I only get 70 percent of my list done. There's a sense that I'm failing." This leads to a bigger story. "I am a procrastinator. I put things off." Because, guess what? This same man doesn't even want to get started on his list because it's daunting. Doing one thing barely makes a dent.
So why not wait? he thinks. The saboteurs come strolling in -- those pesky, persistent internal voices -- "You don't really need to do that now. It's not like it's an emergency."
Doom-scrolling ensues.
You run out of time. Sense of failure builds.
Self-berating follows.
"Why can't I just start? What's wrong with me that I can't at least start the list?"
The cycle continues, around and around.
3 Tips to Make Your To-Do List Work for You:
1. Break your master list down: Pick 1-3 (no more than 5 things) from your master list for your daily list
2. Chunk big projects into smaller parts: i.e. instead of "organize closet" try "pull out clothes I haven' worn in over a year," "Consignment store," "donations." You get the idea.
3. Revisit, re-organize your master list; make sure you check off the things you've done.
Remember my client with 100 things on his list? The list is still there, but in the last couple of weeks, my client has broken it down to smaller daily lists. "I barely thought about the list," he said happily. "It's still there. I carry it to and from work," he laughed. But his relationship to the list is less adversarial than it was just two weeks ago; it is less a reminder of goals unattained and more of a productivity tool. With less self-recrimination, there's more time and space to grow. Which is the point, after all. “It’s why I’m here,” he says, referring to the coaching office.