The Steep Cost of Losing Yourself
I recently read a story about firefighters who died in a forest fire because, as they ran for the hills, they wouldn’t — or couldn’t — let go of their heavy tools. Dropping the extra weight would have given them the minutes that could have saved their lives. But they were found dead, clutching the symbols of their identities. Hanging onto their tools makes them good at what they do, but the cost of such doggedness can be deadly.
Sound familiar?
Similarly, medicine is not just a job. It's a way of life, an identity. You become "Doctor so-and-so", rather than "so-and-so, who practices medicine." The label adheres to the sense of self. The title can be a badge of honor and also a burden, a heavy coat of armor. "I hid behind my title for years," a physician recently admitted.
Who are you beneath your title, training and the vows you've made to medicine? There is a steep cost to over-identifying with your professional title. Finding out could literally save your life.
More than half my clients are doctors. I don't coach doctors -- (or lawyers, or bankers, or Australians or Africans).
I coach humans...
...who happen to be doctors, lawyers and bankers, from Australia, Africa and America. I coach Muslims, Christians, Jews, atheists and spiritual seekers. All of this matters. Gender matters. Race matters. All these attributes matter, because they shape how the world see us and how we see the world. A client recently shared with me her experience of racism. "Tell me what racism feels like," I asked her, because the experience is key to what's going on in her life. It took her a while to trust that I would honor her experience. Though it is not my experience, I was able to cry with her at the injustice of it. Her experience of racism became the door into our shared humanity. This is true of all the parts of us. If we listen deeply enough we find compassion -- even if it's not our direct experience.
In this way, all our ways of identifying who we are matter. And then, they don’t. Coaching is a process of rediscovering who you are beneath the title. Fulfillment is attained by learning who we are beyond our profession. But looking beneath the labels is delicate work. It requires patience and intuition. Layer by layer, we investigate what really matters beyond your work.
At first, just like new skin after a wound, coming awake to who you are beyond your title, may be a tender experience. The light might be too bright. Or you might experience a loss of direction, because once you start to look beyond your professional title, you may be unclear about what you're supposed to DO, what you really like and want. Removing the armor can be terrifying and leave you feeling exposed. After all, though it is heavy, it is familiar. In coaching, one of the most beautiful and courageous moments I witness again and again, is the shedding of the armor. When you begin to explore the person beneath the profession, the possibilities for joy, fulfillment and purpose expand exponentially.
Good coaching offers people a safe space to talk about their profession and its burdens. Great coaching challenges people look beyond those labels, titles and societal prescriptions to discover yourself as a human living on the planet earth. Great coaching allows you to put down your tools to save your own life. Through coaching, we get down to the chewy center of being human -- the fears, heartbreaks, triumphs, dreams, trauma and love that are all a part of the human experience. Hello, doctor (lawyer, stay-at-home parent, fill in your labels) -- welcome to the human race.