3 Ways Intercept Garbage Self-Talk
I caught him in the act.
He was right in front of me, getting situated on a chair, when he did it.
"Where's my phone?" he said, patting his pockets. "I just had it."
He is one of the best orthopedic surgeons in the area.
But that didn’t mattered to him now.
He might as well have been a slump-shouldered kid on the playground, when he said it.
"I'm so stupid," he said.
He soon found his phone and seemed to have recovered from his self-trashtalk.
It was as if he bullied himself like that every day.
He'd recently decided that becoming his own soulmate was an important goal.
"If I want to find my soulmate, I need to be my own first,” he’d said.
Negative self-talk is not the path to self-compassion.
I stored the observation away, knowing that pointing it out might lead to more self-recrimination.
Organically, the session wound back to self-talk.
"This week, notice when and how you speak to yourself," I said.
He looked at me blankly. So I went on: "Like at the beginning of our session, you called yourself stupid."
"I said that out loud?" he asked, shocked.
"Yes," I said, "and I can only imagine what you say to yourself silently."
Learning to treat yourself like a soulmate is not for the faint-of-heart. It takes a different kind of rigor and deep patience.
3 Ways to Change the Negative Self-Talk Habit:
Awareness: Notice what you say to yourself, even silently or under your breath.
Protect yourself: Say something kind to undo the negative. “That’s okay. You tried. Everyone loses things sometimes.”
Look for the good. What did you do well? Tell yourself what you liked about what you did. “You’re learning
Being hard on yourself does not yield better results. It only creates deeper self-loathing and shame. These are never ingredients of living your best life.
Catch yourself in the act of self-recrimination. Turn it around. Practice self-compassion. Each moment is a new chance.