What If You Can't Fix It?

A physician I'll call Martin goes to work each day by 7:30am.

He puts on his game face along with his scrubs.

He is seen as a confident, competent leader.

Few people know that each night he goes home to a spouse who is dying in every way.

Diagnosed with a chronic medical condition, she is growing increasingly weak and dependent.

He has tried everything to help her: brought in physical therapy, life coaching, private movement sessions, all of which help in small ways for her to feel less isolated and find glimpses of hope.

But she is dying.

“I am able to fix people all day long -- but this, the most important person in my life -- and I can’t fix it,” he says.

What happens when a fixer can't fix it?

It’s no longer about fixing. She wants to be heard a seen.

We all yearn to come home to a partner who understands them.

Studies show that the best patient outcomes happen when doctors listen without judgement, even if there is no medical cure for what ails them.

Learning to just be might feel like sitting on your hands at first.

For many of us, the “be-ing” muscle has been trained out of us.

We are all about action.

But sometimes, there is nothing to do.

Being is the most compassionate and healing thing we can do.

It takes practice.

Each night, my physician friend is learning to just be with his wife.

Sometimes, he is even reading poetry to her. These are moments of great peace for them both.

Our greatest teachers are those we cannot fix.

This is where you learn that doing nothing is sometimes a supreme act of healing.

This is an act of love.